21.10.13
Well I do want to thank you for going through all that you went through to get yourself to clarify with me as to what we are now, its clears up the air between us and i appreciate it a lot. I guess I couldn't have done so, making me the underdog of this. No problem, I do admit it haha. Just glad we could breathe better again.
I do wonder though, how much I would fight to get you back. Yes I do miss you. I do want you in my life. To be able to spend as much time with you as possible, every day, hour, minute, second, you name it.
I still love you.
But how much is all of these worth after having already caused you so much grief. From the start I wanted you to be happy always, to be able to smile when you wake up in the morning, and be happy going to bed at night. However that was not the case.
Perhaps to love is to let go.
Moo:D
1:59 pm
20.10.13
Memories just seem to keep coming back. I miss those times.
Moo:D
12:19 am
19.10.13
Separation.
Time apart from each other, will it do us any good? It could. But not on these terms that we ended upon. Now it feels like a 'battlefield'. It is like we're at war :/ Whoever makes a move kinda puts themselves at a disadvantage. Something like that. I don't know already haha.
But of course we have both ourselves to blame. Or maybe to you it is just me? Well it'll always be like that and vice versa. As each day passes, one quarrel after another it's kinda of tiring and repetitive. Hence I feel it is pretty adequate for both of us to take some time off from seeing each other. Maybe it'll help.
Ignorance is your new best friend.
Mine too. I wonder how long we'd both last being like this. It is suffering but yet it could prove to be a test as to whether we're really meant to be together. This wasn't the first time such a thing has happened and it did not turn out just as well as we thought it would be once we got back together not once, but twice. Yes I do admit I am the one who always call for it to be off. Yes those times are over stupid small things. Egoistic. That's what I am.
Solitude.
A life I'm living now.
Moo:D
4:44 am
11.9.13
Another day.
Just a day passing by, regretting every decision I had made over the past month. It was foolish to think that such an arrangement would work out when all that was needed was time.
Time precious time.
I wonder now whether things will go back the way they were. Never have I felt so selfish, immature and stupid. Think, think, think. Not once did I made a thought of how it would hurt you. Only looking out for my own feelings, and making a mess out of everything. From once a perfect romance to an abomination of bad feelings.
It's funny how words are easy to be penned down yet when they're meant to be coming from the mouth, they just get stuck.
Everyday I'm hoping that things would go back in time, where all the decisions I made could have been for the better. I'm hoping that I would receive a text. I'm hoping this barrier between us would break down. I'm hoping that we would be happy together again.
Hope. What a silly word.
Moo:D
1:57 pm
5.9.13
Here we go once more.. I wonder if it will be fruitful
Moo:D
10:16 pm
15.8.13
Another day, yet the pain wont go away.
It is a new day, I was having night shift the previous night. And apparently not talking to you was the loneliest night so far. Every second felt like minutes. Minute felt like hours. Hours felt like days. Days as weeks and so on.. We've spent almost 12 whole hours not chatting, except for the times when I guess i couldn't take it and just had to say something to you. Who'd knew I'd have to be so weak.
I don't know how to live life separately from yours, keep having this urge to find out or try to get to know what you are up to. Or where you are at this current time. I wonder if you're feeling the same way nowadays. Although you've already given me that answer, " It's my life " Deep down I am hoping that those are just words that you're forcing yourself to say out.
Or perhaps now, you are truly feeling this way. All I can do is wait.
Everything that I do, every single thing that I see reminds me of you and when I have gone through it before with you. I miss all the moments spent and want to have more time with you. I just can't keep you out of my mind. Not even for a single moment.
I hope all these would stop eventually. And have you back in my arms.
Moo:D
9:09 pm
14.8.13
Will this nightmare end one day?
Who am I kidding. It's already feels like it's over.
Everything is just so different now. The way I am spoken to, or in fact not talked to at all. As much as I am trying to control how I feel, it's tough as hell. Such a foolish mistake to have been made by me. Who'd have thought that this would cause so much more hurt than before.
I do try to initiate things, perhaps to make it better. Or maybe just for my selfish needs. I don't know why I am doing this. Perhaps I keep feeling one day we'd be back together.
Happy times and the sad, I hope to experience them again. Together. Once more.
It feels so awful. A wonderful, amazing, legendary feeling of some one to get back to at home at the end of the day. Knowing that she is waiting for you. Now although it is still there, all that's left is a fragment of that sensation. And I am trying as best as I can to grab on, so tightly. Just enough to not make things feel awkward.
We do still share our experiences, our day, our problems, giving one another the much needed 'listening ear'. But something is missing. Something so valuable, anyone who had gained it would literally do anything to get back should they have lost it. But then again. There isn't a point in doing so, should one of the other party doesn't feel the same.
Time. Such a cruel factor to take in to consideration. The day has already been set, and hopefully on that one day, it'll be back to the way things were. I have never wished or hoped for something so badly. But hey, if it's meant to be who am I to question it.
I'm just trying to get things off my chest, being introvert and all. It's so difficult, to find a person and chat it out. Schedules are hectic, I guess we have our own problems to face. And this is one of them I have to face myself.
I can't lose anymore, I have already lost enough.
Moo:D
4:52 pm
